Characters

Drinking blood for breakfast
Was Amber Slate Serene
What a ruthless vampire
To kill a human being?

A slender hand
Abnormal wrist
Is the bridge from arm to fist
Punches are thrown towards the fight
Whoever was her love that night

A younger man than most
She chose
Danced to the door
Grasping a rose

Her outside beauty
Heart like coal
Hurts them all
Wounds on the soul

Sleeping fun and banging hard
He will die
Soon afterward
From a kiss of venom lips
Pinpricked movements of the hips

Knock him cold
She'll drink him in
Wearing that sarcastic grin
Of how much she treasures love
As she believes in god above

While
Dusk come early
Time for wake
This life she lives
This world she hates.

This used to be important somehow.

Everything you see above^ is C O M P L E T E L Y amazing. This all has meaning. Or, used to. Give me a pencil, some paper, and let's have an interesting conversation on life ethics. Wait, what did I get out of this again?

Romantics.

"...Hey, on the romantic level...I'm pretty fucked."

"Reality fools us all, my friend. In the end."

"Right..."

"It's true. Fantasy, reality, there's no difference...to me."

"Whatever."

"Although the pavement cracks the same."

"..."

"I'm a romantic."

"Go off and live in your fantasy bubble."

"We're the people that shovel all the
rose petals
into the water,
while you're digging coal
in the center of the earth."

"Oh really."

"YES. Satan sits on a cloud and laughs at you,
while

I

am
in
a cloud f a c t o r y,

working my wonders

of s c i e n c e."

We're all one big musical.

Everything has it's own beat. And everyone has their own rhythm. Would people would believe me crazy? If I told them of the constant beating in my ears, or the bass tones when I walk. This world is an illuminated array of sounds.
How many steps you take to get away.

How many throats crack.

How many eyelashes flutter.

How many teeth click.

Infinity plus one blinks.

Infinity plus one breaths.

And, how many thoughts have you conjured?

They too - have sound.

This will linger.

People often think about the things they say. Some people think too much, others too little. It's all about impressions. Which ones you leave, and how you happen to leave them. Nobody is too vulnerable, or open these days. It's almost the opposite. My friends are wonderful, each and every one of them. But, I do agree that most believe they're made of stone. Brick. Or lead. Looking closer on conversations you have, especially the older ones, show otherwise. Certain quotes hold on harder than others ever would. What do you say, that sticks?

"Everyone disappoints me,"
~Tenor Caso

Inspiration.

"Don't be afraid Lille Van of violence
I'm only poisoning you, not gonna stab you.
Don't be afraid Lille Van of my troubled mind
I'm just poisoning you a little
With my gloom"
~Death Is Not A Parallel Move, Of Montreal

"I'm a binary code that you cracked long ago
But to you I'm just a novel, that you wish you never wrote"
~Academia, Sia

"Lille Van, my heart is not dead
It's just bad weather
In my temporary head"
~And I've Seen A Bloody Shadow, Of Montreal

Bits and pieces

Bits and Pieces. From then ago. Old Poetry.

The bitter crush.
Your step is so refreshing
Your smile so unique
A gaze I've never caught
Is something I still seek

Hallways lead to twisting curves
Places that I wish you were
So my eyes could trace you more
and when you leave, I'd trace the door

You will never know me
You'll certainly never care
And I won't blame your future image
Because who would notice what isn't there?

Old Adoration part I
My sweet poison
To you, my holy vixen.
I need you for my blood, my bones
To survive this aching prison.

My dear adoration
Your body's my vacation
I was a soul, now nothing more
Don't leave your hostess waiting.

Old Adoration part II
I've decided you meant something
I've decided you are now nothing
Nobody should live for you!
While everybody dies
Shred yourself into small bits
And contemplate my lies.

Black like poison
was love, my parting prison
thoughts of the dead, clutter my head
I wanted out, let's end the bet

Let's screw the ground
Let's fuck the sky
Take scissors to this reckless tie
Forget the things I ever said
Forget the daydreams when we met
It's over now, goodbye.

I declare TRUTH

If you don't know who you are,
Then how can you know
WHERE YOU'RE GOING?

Questions

If something was important, why can't I remember?
It makes us really think, Is memory saved with time? Is it mended? Or, is it measly destroyed?
I've come to realize the absolute obvious. You never remember the things you want to.
The day that kid broke your bike? Yeah, it's stuck in your skull. It's there.
The day you fell in love? No...That never happened. Wait, did it? I can't seem to recall.

and with this horrible string of questions, I quote:

"Messy, this collection of recollections..."
~The Realm of Possibility.

Yes, this is about you. (The Anthem)

Does it hurt?
To know that you've
killed a girl?
Buried part of her
Somewhere
stuck, deep underground.
You sick murderer
This was about your
words
Not about your
lover's sake
Done, Done, done.

And yes,
I'll contest
I'll digest this
lack of
apology
And yes,
I do waste
my days waiting
to capture the masterpeice
of your heart.

This.
Is.
About you
and you know it
This.
Is.
All the anger
I never showed
This.
Is.
A grand ending
to our commodity
Oh, this.
Is.
Something else entirely
This.
Is.
My love.

Cast iron heart
Mirrored with judgment
Reflected off walls
I talk
You're done with this
done with me
My frown cut
into my eyes
Forcing to water
down all those sighs I've
mustered to keep this
Unsaid
Unamed
and
Unknown.

Feeling secure...
You're my friend
Feeling secure...
You're my friend
Feeling secure...
You're my friend
Feeling secure...
You're my friend
but
Where.
Did.
She.
I.
GO?

Pleasant insanity.

Producing things that are completely worthless. I think I've got the writing shits. Hehe. I keep writing all of this out, then going, "Should I honestly post this?" while Cacidy continues to bother me by calling me 'sugar muffin' or 'baby'. How GREAT Sundays have started to become. I'll try to call my friends, but of course, noone's there. It's just Yarra, let's not talk. Let's hang up. Goodbye Yarra, have a pleasant insanity.
There's beautiful snow on the ground. Oh, how much I would love to jump and frolick in that snow. But, I'm not, and I won't, and I can't. Because I'm here, in my basement, on my laptop, doing homework, and feeling a sickness I can't quite describe. It's not a liver disease, it's not cancer. It's...it's...ah, shucks, I've lost it. The name really doesn't matter anyways. The situation remains the same.
I think this began with doing math, and singing music. Only a few hours ago, I was almost content. Almost zen. Well, where the hell did that go? Out of my head, into the clouds...floating around somewhere. And now I'm writing, writing, writing...trying to recapture a sense of bitterness that has only dulled over time. Anthems are hard to write. I'm trying for a grand escape, that special finale, my anthem. Screw anthems, I'll stick to my pistols.

Does it hurt?
To know that you've
killed a girl?

January scrawlments

The flow
Electro-static activities
Shocking
A buzz between eyes
A charge stuffed with lips
I always think it's over.
I always think i'm done.
Who would have thought,
that carpet craze
Hooking me in?

Was it decided?
Or simply my chance?
Feeling
Breathing
Specs of dust fly to your eyes
They're stuck in my mouth
Close to yours
Suck me up.

Directing everyway
Traffic I can't change
A mind that's made
Up
Over
Done.

The things I won't decide
Can't hide
Won't lie
Done, Done, Done.

A story I can't replace
Threading into
Other days
Deeper, Danger
It's there

The things I won't decide
Can't hide
Won't lie
Done, Done, Done.

When we blink
Our eyelashes all
Flash into patterns
Something unscrews
And our heads all pop
After it's finished
After it's over
You open again to use what
You've got.

You remind me of ice on trees
Of all the falling snow
You remind me of my
dull footprints
Of every river, every stream
That trails beneath
my cold feet.

Polyester lining leaves me
Lost.
Stuck in you
my uneven paces
my unsure blinks
this uncomfortable maze
Where'd you go?

Lose it.
I will.
We'll have fun
Once it's gone
So lets
Lost it
I will
Who cares?
Who knows?
You're easy
(And I'm fine)
Caked sugar cace
Jawdrop body babe
We'll just sleep this all away
This worry
Your frown
Then
Lose it.
I will.
Drop your guns

Preview

Days fly by too fast. And, it just gets colder and colder. Good for snow, good for ski, bad for warmth. You've got friends to hug, but the one you want always leaves earlier than they should. I guess it's how the world will always work. I'm not exactly in the mood for normal bloggish talk, so I guess I'll just fill in the loops with poetry. After my lovely ski time yesterday, I quickly rushed home and sat in my room. Listening to music, and burning rainbow candles. Then, out of nowhere, I get this power to freewrite. Time to post them.

Modern love scenes.

me: lack of books

william: yes

i have one other book

me: i never have anything to read

it drives me insane

7:14 PM william: but my mom wont let me read it unless i finish this one

me: harsh

william: i'd much rather be with u than read this thousand page book

me: she monitors your reading?

william: no

7:15 PM me: then how could she not let you...

william: she isn't right now

she thinks im off gmail

me: ah

my mom thinks i'm doing homework

which i'm trying to do

i'd rather be with you than write about "The Real Tomato"

It's so sweet, this thing of mine

Sweet
Do you know?
Is this are you aware of you
Sweet,
Does it show?
Is this are aware do you
Think
Do you love?
Do you hurt?
Could I know?
Think!
Sweet,
I bet soon this would grow...

Bad weather is filling your eyes
Do you love, do you feel, can you cry?
I wouldn't want you to lie
to me, but I've never liked the truth.

Sweet,
Is this it?
Are we done?
So far
Sweet,
You're my sunshine.
Oh oh oh oh oooooh oh oh

Connecticut and sleep

I walk out of my cousins bathroom door to hear my 7-year-old brother Isaiah's frenzied crying.
Tizzy crying, never steady.
Never a reason.

I walk over to his bed, getting a now clear view of his cross-legged silohuette heaving.
Leaning down, I ask him what the matter is. He's stammering-he can't clearly tell me.
I ask a bit more, hushed talking.
Lach is sleeping next to us. He won't wake up.
Isaiah-he-starts stammering. Flustered. I doubt he can explain.
PUtting my hand on his back, I lay him down still curious about what happened.
He's quiet and peaceful. Harm is ended after I say I'm here.

I sing and rub his back.

I was like this. I remember being this little. You were scared. Every now and then, a strange face appeared. The wouldn't leave. You felt they couldnt You were safe. You never wanted them too. Nothing could take them away.
Kissing him some, I hummed.

He fell asleep before he could tell me.

my favorite love song

Dearly Beloved
Are you listening?
I can't remember a word
That you were saying.

Are we demented?
Or am I disturbed?
The space that's in between
Insane and insecure

Oh, therapy
Can you please fill a void?
Am I retarded or am I
Just overjoyed?

Nobody's perfect and
I stand accused
For lack of a better word and that's
My best excuse.